Here to say a few words about the miracle of Stain Destroyer Detergent is the master of the house hidden in the hills of the forest himself, Victor Fevrier!

Any time now, he’ll come out…

We’re waiting, Victor…

This is getting embarrassing now. Don’t we have any blackmail material on him? It was easy enough with Vivian. Well, I know she’s a pill and that’s part of what made it easy but it’s not like he hasn’t got the personality of a suicidal rattlesnake. There’s got to be something he’s ashamed of.

Were you quite finished there or would you like more time to practice your attempts at being clever?

Victor! What a surprise! Welcome-

Please spare me your attempt to save face now. I should have followed my instincts but I felt I would be setting a poor example and thus I am here. I’ll discuss with you the fee for such a favor later.

Apparently I am the only person left among the cast of Garden of Malice who has yet to be burdened with shilling something and as such, I suppose it is my turn to muster something passing for enthusiasm for something banal. What in the devil am I supposed to be talking about? Laundry detergent? What in the bloody hell do I know about doing laundry? How in the hell should I know if it works or not? Truly, I have a spectacular staff in my laundry who are more than capable of telling you if this product is worthy of your time or not. Oh for pity’s sake!

Well then, if you find yourself in need of laundry detergent, there is a product on the market called the Stain Destroyer that may or may not meet your needs. I have absolutely no idea what makes it any different from any other detergent on the market because I never once have touched the laundry nor do I trouble myself with the task of buying the supplies for it. According to the packaging, this product is capable of tackling stains that are notoriously difficult such as coffee, red wine and blood.

Oh who would believe such a thing as this? No, truly, you wish for me to believe that this rancid smelling powder is capable of removing a red wine stain from napkins or white dress shirts? That is just folly! And to say that it removes blood stains is just absurd. Were you planning on testing that out? I’m shocked that you didn’t ask Charlotte to peddle this ground up hand soap masquerading as a useful product. I wouldn’t suggest it though, she may well take offense at needing such a detergent.

“Victor, you cad! I’m a professional!”

Which is why I’m still alive, my darling sibling.

“And also why their production assistant has had to call in sick permanently after asking me to sell such an unworthy product!”

Duly noted, Charlotte dear.

There you have it. There is a product called Stain Destroyer Detergent on the market for washing your clothing. I have no real idea of how to use it and no interest in finding out. It smells utterly disgusting and it lies on the package about the prowess of its powers to rid yourself of stains when clearly such a soiled garment will simply need to be replaced. My sibling won’t use it and refused to peddle it in my place. She may have also poisoned someone to death over such an insult so you might well take that as an endorsement to continue buying your own preferred brand of detergent. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am dreadfully busy trying to survive my encounter with the crime boss, Brother Eugene. You can see the level of success I reach by following Garden of Malice. Regular updates will resume as of January 2019. Until then, enjoy a charming ghost story for the Holiday Season!